Well, folks, the allure of Fall is fading. The temperature is dropping, hoodies are being replaced with coats, eggnog is making its first seasonal appearance at the store, leftover Halloween candy is starting to taste questionable and Christmas decorations are infesting Target. That can only mean one thing! Thanksgiving time!
Turkey Day has its own charm. It doesn’t have all the bells and whistles of Christmas, the spooky glory of Halloween or even the Cadbury joy of Easter, but Thanksgiving deserves its props. Did I just say props? Please, don’t judge me.
Turkey Day is a day for family, friends, good food, pumpkin pie, football, naps and my grandmother telling me she hates my tattoos and to put on a long sleeve shirt. Sorry, Nana.
You may be asking, “Matt, are you about to review “Free Birds,“ the animated Thanksgiving movie about turkeys that’s currently in theaters?!” Fuckkkkkk NO! I’m here to talk about the top five Thanksgiving movies of all time, according to me, your fearless cinema creature. I know what you’re thinking: “Matt, the only holiday with a vast cornucopia (Thanksgiving lingo) of movies is Christmas!” Well, that is just not true my beautiful, loving and loyal readers.
Once you’ve awoken from that tryptophan-induced hour-long nap, you’re ready for pie slice numero dos (yes ladies, I speak Spanish un poquito) and you’re still with your family. Your mother is sick of watching football and it’s time for a family movie, but what movies capture Thanksgiving, while remaining entertaining? LOOK NO FURTHER! I’m here to save you.
5. Thankskilling (2008)
I know I promised some good, wholesome family movies for Turkey Day, but this movie is in an insane category of its own: a Thanksgiving horror movie! This fantastically terrible film was brought to me by one of my best friends, Mr. Brendan Powers. You folks don’t know Brendan and if you do, lucky you. His passion for good film rivals mine, but his sense of humor and eye for terrible, holiday bloodbaths with a murderous turkey-puppet is unmatched. Like the shop owner, who sold Randall Peltzer the Mogwai in Gremlins, Brendan was reluctant to bring Thankskilling into our friends’ lives, but eventually we all sat in his room and watched this gem, while laughing our asses off for roughly an hour and a half. Campy horror always needs a hook to set itself apart from the ocean of killers, monsters and ghosts. Thankskilling has an evil turkey possessed by a demon or some shit (I forget what made this anthropomorphic turkey want to kill, but he sure the fucker gets the job done). This one again isn’t for the family. However, if you’re hanging with friends the night before Thanksgiving and you’re debating going to the bar to see the kids you went to high school with get drunk in a crowded bar, you could make a better choice and watch Thankskilling! Thanks Brendan, I’ll never look at turkey the same again. Gobble, gobble, motherfucker.
4. Dutch (1991)
Okay, guys, I have a family one for you. Dutch was written by the late great John Hughes and who knows family better than John Hughes?! Nobody! Before Ed O’Neill was on Modern Family, he was Al Bundy on Married with Children – one of my favorite shows as a kid. Married with Children was hysterical and crass. Kelly was a babe, Peg was a mega-housewife babe and Al worked a shit job at a women’s shoe store to keep his family happy. Slightly off topic, but I had to illustrate how great Ed O’Neill is at playing a heart-in-the-right-place dysfunctional father figure. Dutch Dooly is dating a woman with a son who’s away at boarding school. The real father is a fart-faced jerk and isn’t going to spend Thanksgiving with his son, Doyle (Ethan Embry). So, Dutch (O’neill) takes the opportunity to bond with his potential future stepson. Doyle is a spoiled crap sandwich with Harry Potter glasses, a sweet BB gun, dope karate moves and a giant chip on his shoulder. This is an odd couple road trip movie that’s fun for the family and will yield some solid laughs, while making you think that family really is the most important thing. Family and sweet BB guns! This is the movie that taught me at a young age that “nothing burps like bacon” and it’s true. Dutch is currently available on Netflix, by the way.
3. Fantastic Mr. Fox (2009)
Now, I know what some of you are thinking: “Fantastic Mr. Fox isn’t a Thanksgiving movie, Matt!”
Hear me out! And, never sass me again or I’ll throw stale Halloween candy at you until I chip a tooth. Fantastic Mr. Fox isn’t technically a Thanksgiving movie, but I think it’s a great movie to watch on this yummy holiday.
“Why is that Matt?!”
Settle down, I have a pocket of fun-size Snickers – hard as rocks – and I’m not afraid to lock and load.
Fantastic Mr. Fox takes place in the Fall. Beautiful, Claymation landscapes of oranges, reds, browns and yellows sweep across the screen making a breathtaking backdrop for an epic heist executed by crafty animals. The classic Roald Dahl book adapted to the screen by the brilliant Wes Anderson includes voices from George Clooney (I love George!!), Meryl Streep, Bill Murray (my king) and Jason Schwartzman (a man all my ex girlfriends have a crush on). In addition to it clearly being set in Autumn, there is a great scene with Mr. Fox making an eloquent toast at a large feast that looks a lot like a Thanksgiving dinner. No matter if its a holiday, event or even just random night, Fantastic Mr. Fox always hits the spot.
2. Son in Law (1993)
I bet you guys didn’t expect to see a Pauly Shore movie in the top five. Surprise, folks!
As a young lad dawning a Mr. T t-shirt, freckles, Alf doll in-hand, Ghostbusters lunch box and a terrible haircut, I was a large Pauly Shore fan. Yeah, I’m not even a little bit ashamed of that. Remember Bio-Dome? I do! Encino Man? MAGIC! So, with that being said, I had to include an old favorite to the top five: Son in Law.
Shore plays Crawl, the party animal college guy with a heart of gold. Super babe, who gets hotter the older she gets, Carla Gugino plays Rebecca Warner, a farm girl, who gets to college and seems lost. Crawl shows her how to cut loose and Rebecca returns the favor by inviting Crawl home for Thanksgiving dinner with her family. Big city college man goes to the country!? All hell would break loose right?! YES!
This is a goofy comedy but always makes Val (momma McAskill) crack up and holds good memories for this goofball film enthusiast/quasi critic. When I was 9 years old, this movie hit theaters and I had just returned the McAskill household’s stockpile of empty soda cans. I made $40. That’s A LOT of sticky coke cans. So, I thought I’d share the wealth. I offered to take my mom and dad to the movies to see Son in Law. They were like “Hell yeah, little Matt! That Batman long-sleeved t-shirt looks dope on you!” and of course they were right. I remember getting to the counter and I couldn’t reach, so my parents handed the money to the cashier. They both gave me my “change” and slipped in more than I gave them, just in smaller bills. I had MORE money after the movie than I did going in! Chip and Val wanted me to have my hard earned can money and have the feeling that I got to take them out. They probably think I didn’t notice, but I did and I also never forgot. All mushy personal memories aside, Son in Law will pass the awkward time between dinner and getting the nerve to say “Okay, I think I’m heading out now.”
Son in Law is available to buy or rent on Amazon and iTunes. Trust me, guys, it might be worth it, but I’m sure It will be on HBO, Fox Family, TBS or some shit like that, too.
1. Planes, Trains & Automobiles (1987)
This was a total friggin’ no brainer. The BEST and most memorable movie revolving around the Thanksgiving holiday is another John Hughes classic: Planes, Trains & Automobiles, starring two legends that helped shaped the man I am today – John Candy and Steve Martin. Neal Page (Martin) needs to get home to Chicago in time for Thanksgiving to see his beautiful family. Del Griffith (Candy) keeps accidentally getting in the way of Neal’s quest and then they ultimately join forces. The adventure back to Chicago isn’t an easy one, as you could have guessed, but a friendship grows. So, the journey is worth it. Not unlike Dutch this is a road trip comedy, but it’s an 80’s road trip movie (so that automatically makes it 1000 times better than anything else).
The formula for this movie has been copied many times – most notable Tommy Boy, but again Planes, Trains & Automobiles is a stronger example of the “fat lovable fool and skinny business type on the road turning hate into friendship against all odds” brand. The end of this movie always makes me choke up a bit, because like all John Hughes movies, you’ll laugh and cry – but in a good way. I am not ashamed to say that John Candy can make me cry. It upsets me knowing I’ll never get to hug that bear of a comedy mastermind. Alas, I can honor his memory by passing on one of the jewels in his crown that is this film. PT&A can be found at Target, iTunes, Amazon and my bedroom.
Honorable mention goes to Addams Family Values, specifically the scene where Wednesday and Pugsley are at summer camp and ruin the Thanksgiving Day play that they had to be in.
Happy Thanksgiving folks! Eat until you barf. Rally. Then, have some more. Pie and turkey for days. Tell your family you love them and pop in the movie of your choice. Cookies and milk for all!
Keep smiling.