Update: Ozzy Still Alive, Still on Television

Break out the leather: Tonight’s season finale of CSI will be featuring a guest appearance and performance by Ozzy Osbourne and the¬†reanimated reunited Black Sabbath.

Ozzy “acting” is certainly hilarious. The scene works as a blatant commercial for the new Black Sabbath album “13.” What better way to peddle your new heavy metal album than going on a show about homicidal murderers? The line between the talk shows ordinarily used to shamelessly hype movies and records and actual scripted programs is growing blurrier by the day. Pretty soon, Lada Gaga will be appearing on Law & Order: SVU and making a skin suit out of Richard Belzer.

Anyways, Ozzy’s short dialogue on the show seemed to go something like this:

Big Fan: “Hey Ozzy, you rock! I’m such a big fan!”

Ozzy: “Bloody great! [typical inaudible Ozzy noises] Yeah!”

Big Fan: “Black Sabbath’s first new album since 1978, ’13’ was just was released and is available on iTunes and in record stores across the world! That song you just played kicked ass!”

Ozzy: [waking from brief doze] “Oh, oh, yea. Been great an all workin’ with the lads [more typical inaudible Ozzy noises] back and forth an’ all, so you can never, no. Yeah?”

Big Fan: “There’s no way that I’m going to end up as the suspect in this episode, right?”

Ted Danson: “I’m calling my agent. This show sucks.”

I’ve even seen Jimmy Fallon be more subtle in hyping his guests’ new material, and at least they give him a desk to hide his star-boner behind.

All of this essential info came to me today as I caught a Super Sneak Preview on CBS’s daytime The View-knockoff The Talk (which, like CSI, just so happens to also be on CBS – who woulda thought). The whole thing ¬†amounted to a commercial for a commercial, which somehow made it even worse by a factor of ten.

Sharon Osbourne, the ‘edgy’ one on the show (which apparently means she gets to say words like “balls” in her jokes, like she did today), had no problem plugging her network and husband simultaneously.

I guess the family has a longstanding connection to CBS/Viacom, dating back to the Osbourne reality show years on MTV. For entertainment purposes, let’s all hope that Ozzy is on Undercover Boss next.

Nick Bush can be reached at nbush@thoughtpollution.com.

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