Welcome to the the debut of Electioneer, Thought Pollution’s daily politics blog. In these here parts, we practice our own special brand of get-in-the-van-or-else journalism. Stop squirming so much; there’s more duct tape where that came from. Someone slap David Gregory and make sure he’s awake. The feature presentation is about to begin. We’ll glue John McCain’s eyelids open and make him watch if necessary. Hopefully it doesn’t come to that.
Since we stand perilously close to going over a cliff of political apathy, it’s time for some R. Kelly-level Real Talk. We shall deal with absolutes when possible, with an eye for contradictions, hypocrisy and media sideshows of expert puppet-mastery. The liars, whores, scumsuckers – and worst of all, lobbyists – that populate the Washington nunnery are on written notice. If you fit into one of the aforementioned categories, this here publication has come into existence with an expressed desire to piss you off. We will be doing everything necessary to expose you as the fraud you are. Even if that means posting Photoshop’d pictures of you copulating with your favorite sheep.
But hey, let’s look on the bright side. Conversations will certainly ensue. Questions, rhetorical and otherwise, will be posed. Will they ever be answered?
The only thing propping up our glorious little petri dish of small-D democracy is our ability to use our voices, collectively and otherwise. Don’t be afraid to say something, or you’ve already ceded your rights to those who aim to exploit your silence. Rome may be burning, but we can still get out our dancing shoes and do a little disco on the grave of the so-called New American Century.
Coming up later this week: Exclusive undercover video of Mitt Romney’s colonoscopy.